Sunday, November 23, 2014

Just a weekend...

The sublime weekend... the word never meant to me what it actually means.  Unless you are talking about going from a solid to a gas...  To me the word always had a ring of ...is it loneliness?... reverberating through the golden beams of light.  This was by my standards a fantastic weekend.  I threw my hammer in the back of my motorcycle and spent most of Friday evening... long into the dark and very cold putting up the loft at the barn.  My ipad lasted until the very moment I tried to take a picture as I left.  I almost finished the floor.  The drive home was freezing as I had already pretty much frozen there before I left - but it was satisfying.  The next morning Ash went to sell some rabbits and pick up our new billy goat (a little Nigerian Dwarf) while me and the kids made up a pretty cool game and generally lolled about.  Later Ash and I redid fencing and generally took care of farm stuff... which is actually quite fun to do together.  The sun was shining.  We ate a wonderful venison dinner and simply passed out.  Today I found myself at Charlie's farm sitting in the dark with a rifle watching the dawn arrive and the stars pop out one by one.  I saw no deer but I did find owl scat, a perfect dead dry oak tree that I cut up for firewood, and as I walked about.... a small hole in ground that breathed its warm breath in my face.  At home we all tinkered with the animals and the pastures they are in... I watched as my daughter hopped on a horse bareback and rode it up the road while my other two daughters walked goats behind her.  I took the kids back to the farm to pick up the wood I cut and we just had a perfect time... the kids explored and climbed and told stories from clues left behind from animals, Zoe ran after a hawk above trying to get a glimpse of an identifying mark... later telling me about the subtle differences between accipiters and buteos.  Adia dying to dig up a snake.  All 3 super excited over a mouse nest found under a scrap of tin.  We revisited the blowing hole and dug out as much as we could in the warm sprinkling rain.  I hope that Jason and I can dig in and that I could have a nice little cave project here a few miles from the house.  The sinkholes there are amazing... it would be nice to find a cave that goes.  Adia wants to come back tomorrow to dig... that kid... later she pulled her tooth out... another job for her tooth fairy that writes her at insane hours on the nights she looses teeth, regardless of how bad he.. I mean "she" wants to catch up on sleep.  Back home I split the wood that we hauled back and I came in pretty exhausted.  Upon Kathy's and Ash's suggestion I drew the hottest bath I could and the coldest Sam Adams... and just soaked.. while reading some Norse mythology... left in the bathroom from Zoe :)  While in there I realized how sublime this weekend was... perfect days.  Sublime.  However they are tinged with the realization that they are perfect NOW and not to be repeated in the future... I will age and die - my children will grow - the seasons will change and the perfect NOW will be replaced by other perfect NOWs ... but these perfect moments will not come again.  Life is sublime and I mean that in my definition of it... tinged with a bit of nostalgia and lonliness, but no less perfect... like a Cure song....

Monday, November 17, 2014

Happy Birthday Zoe!



11 years.  Wow.  I still remember driving home from the hospital with you - I couldn't believe that they allowed us to take you home.  I remember being somewhat terrified.  You have grown so well through the years - I wish time would slow a bit, but I am so grateful to see you become that amazing person you are.  Happy Birthday, Kiddo.


I love you.