Teaching ... myself

Hey Esme!  Happy birthday, kid! I can't believe that the years keep drifting by.  I swear you were just born... but you are quickly becoming "not a kid".  And I am quickly becoming your "old man".  I love you and I love that you are my daughter. We had a good birthday season - the kids have started roller skating and that means that I have started roller skating too :)  But its just like the old days... same music.  I swear, a disco ball and roller skates? does it get any better?  Should I have admitted to that?? I have turned 42... I think.  I played soccer this morning and nutmegged someone... so I am not quite dead yet.  My kids printed the cave map I made and mounted it for me - and we had a korean birthday dinner... bulgogi and tempura... it was amazing ... all the while "gangnam style" blasting... no sitting, just standing and eating as the food comes off.  It was nice. We were all sick for the last, oh, 4 or 5 weeks... wha...

Without coughing, that is. It's the rib breaker old man cough often with a little gag thrown in at the end for style. It's never ending nature is endearing, however.  Zoe went back to the doctor today for a rash that developed after strep throat... Which can be a bad sign, but it was just an allergic reaction to antibiotics. The doc said that this virus we all have might actually be the flu this year... Figures.  It brings to mind a line in a song by Sam Baker (first new artist I have listened to in a long long time)... The line is "suffering heals all pain"... From "healing angels" ... But my lung expulsions are not quite the same as what happened to Sam - he was on a bus to Machu Picchu and a bomb exploded in the luggage rack above him - he's got some serious damage and a hell of a story... And he didn't start writing songs until after the explosion. He has traumatic brain injury too and it affects his lyrics and rhythm... Though genius emerges in ...

A nod to the solstice and an acceptance of this sickness that has taken the family (and now me) and has turned so many nights into "the longest night". Also not to be mistaken with one of my favorite Billy Joel songs "the longest time". Back on track - the longest night has passed and light once again makes advances back into our lives. I love this cycle of nature on this planet... Thank you giant planetoid that bashed the early earth to smithereens and rocked us 22.5 degrees off our axis... Te quiero a la Luna.  It's a nice reminder that days get dark, but they brighten again. Even when the world seems to end (metaphorically and physically) the sky eventually clears and we emerge into a new world... Similar to the one we knew, but also fundamentally different...challenges and blessings that occur within our lives sometimes, but often extend beyond lifetimes ... This is what comes to mind when the bright moon shines on the shortest night. Beautiful manifestation...

This school term that is ending must be one of my worst ones in my career.  I just kind of sucked this year and to make it worse, I am not quite sure why.  Wow, this is humbling.  I don't know what to say.  I feel like I should have this thing dialed in and I quite simply don't.  I can't explain it and that is going to wear on my mind for a bit. Oh well - yet another lesson to learn.  On the positive side, Jose and Luis came by yesterday and we spent 3 hours catching up.  Luis gave me a Drake CD for christmas :)  Those two kids have now become men and I am so proud of them and grateful that they are in my life.  They think that I worked to help them, but I think that it was reciprocal.  If students like that were not in my life, I think I might have to back out of teaching.  Thanks, amigos. (45 minutes passes) Leave it to my daughters to roll back that fog... its just Adia and Esme with me here tonight and we cooked a breakfas...

The sublime weekend... the word never meant to me what it actually means.  Unless you are talking about going from a solid to a gas...  To me the word always had a ring of ...is it loneliness?... reverberating through the golden beams of light.  This was by my standards a fantastic weekend.  I threw my hammer in the back of my motorcycle and spent most of Friday evening... long into the dark and very cold putting up the loft at the barn.  My ipad lasted until the very moment I tried to take a picture as I left.  I almost finished the floor.  The drive home was freezing as I had already pretty much frozen there before I left - but it was satisfying.  The next morning Ash went to sell some rabbits and pick up our new billy goat (a little Nigerian Dwarf) while me and the kids made up a pretty cool game and generally lolled about.  Later Ash and I redid fencing and generally took care of farm stuff... which is actually quite fun to do together....

11 years.  Wow.  I still remember driving home from the hospital with you - I couldn't believe that they allowed us to take you home.  I remember being somewhat terrified.  You have grown so well through the years - I wish time would slow a bit, but I am so grateful to see you become that amazing person you are.  Happy Birthday, Kiddo. I love you.

Ten-Ten, diagnosis day for Adia.  Its been 3 years now and Adia is doing great.  Quite a blessing - but I shall never, never, never forget that blood sugar reading that night 3 years ago when the weight of the number crushed me... when I knew life would never be the same again.  I even knew at that moment that there would be blessings from it, but it was the knowledge that we had lost the life we knew that flattened me.  But life turned out well, it was just not what I thought it would be. I shall always try to be grateful for this day.