Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Fears and Steps

It's 3am and while this is my usual time to be up for a bit - but tonight there was a moment that shook me - just a moment, but it was no surface vibration.  I was dreaming about the fittings for the hot water line (it will make sense soon) and the dream turned into an endless loop and so I got up to test thinking I was low. I was 119 or something so I nibbled some chocolate chips and peanut butter just for fun when Ash came in and got Adia's test kit and went back to test her. (Pause, then everything goes to slow motion) she calls my name in ... That way... And comes running in saying "it just says low blood glucose". I know this to mean she is below 20 and I assume she is unconscious and unable to wake up.  In now ultra slow motion, I jump up, grab the glucagon shot, and stifle true fear... Because I am wondering how long she has been out... Minutes? Hours?!? As I sprint out of the kitchen, I meet Adia in the hall and I can immediately tell that she is fine - we sit her down and throw some glucose tabs in her and then we test her again because she is not acting like she is sub-20.  It reads 80. What. The. Fuck.  I think she was a bit low, but there was a strip/meter malfunction to give us the "low" reading. How about saving such issues for the daylight? Damn.  So I am now decompressing from having 2.3 seconds of exposure to one of my true fears... What if I can't save her or what if I am not there to save her?  I suppose that is universal.  I suppose that is being a parent.  It sure makes letting a child go and experience the world a bit challenging...

The ceiling is some barn metal I pulled off the old dairy that was wrecked in the tornado. Johnny helped me out with that - I think it came out rather nice.

In other news, this picture says it all.  Water. I decided to use our neighbors well but that involved digging 350 ft of water line... New water line. It was exhausting and that was with an excavator.  After tying in the water was spurting.  So I figured their pressure tank was waterlogged.  Sure enough - so we pumped some air into the tank and that helped - but still no pressure.  There was a check valve on the line.  So because the tank was on its very last legs, I installed a new tank, T, pressure gage, and blow off valve - and the water flowed wonderfully to our hydrants (didn't have it coming in to the house yet)  That was amazing because I thought for sure we would need a separate tank and in-line pump at our house.  The water is wonderful - coming from a well that was artesian when it was drilled.  Last night I plumbed the cold water line in and turned on the sink for the first time.  Amazing.  Hot water line today.  Oh and all the big stuff is out of our house - we spent most of the day yesterday cleaning and organizing the garage that we will use as a storage building.  Today we will bring up mattresses and tonight I think we will move in.  Enter the next chapter.  

I'm human and I know it
So I know I'm going to blow it
But I try 
I try and yet I'll die at your feet and still never show it
Actions and words, intentions and doubt
Blood and bone and nerve
Never serve my souling shout
Never leave me within
Always give without
Words I can speak
Leave me too thirsty to seek
The water spout
Too thirsty to speak my souling shout
I'm human and I know it
And I accept that I'll blow it
But I try
I try.
And I'll die at your feet and still never show it

Friday, July 10, 2015

Its all about the house now

Wow.  Time is flying by.  We have to be out of our house in a few weeks and into Konnarock.  Sure, we probably won't have some of the finishing details done... like water... but its all good.  The kids have a chalkboard for a ceiling, the walls are mostly up - kitchen counter maybe tomorrow and then its time to dig a water line.  I slept in the house for the first time the other night because I had to paint ceiling panels and let them dry during the night.  It was pretty nice... except that I got a little food poisoning and ended up puking a few times in the middle of the night (outside of course)... not particularly the good omen I was hoping for, but as I said before... its all good.  The river came up and the kids have been walking up the road and tubing back to the house.  Quite sweet.  I am ready to get up there.  We went to India Towers wedding on the 4th and we danced like there was really no tomorrow.  Me, Ash, and the kids just tore it up.  It was classic white folk dancing, but man we had a blast.  The kids started it.  I was truly thankful to have been alive to do that with my family.  I lived so much of my life quite inhibited especially when it came to music and dancing... but I am not going to pass that on to my kids... it took a lifetime for music to move me and I will not give that up while I breathe, Thank you.  Oh, and Esme lost her first tooth... well actually it got hit and abscessed and the dentist took it out.  She was a total champ.  Her tooth fairy wrote her a note ... her name is Primrose:)

This was a few hours before I got sick.... obviously... or the board would have read some other set of four letters....

blackboard paint fingers a carpenter's pencil
the quill writer's hands are clean

in the shade of a hundred points of light
what does a half inch mean?

mosquitoes track my longing breath
the gray moon betrays desire

first night blood and skin
her rain made him a liar

so fight the guilty conscience
we've traded for our past

give up the you you thought I knew
and tilt your toasting glass

i'll taste the wine upon your lips
as I breathe a prayer unseen

in the shade of a hundred points of light
what does a half inch mean?