Saturday, March 28, 2015

Really?? Snow today?  Tonight its supposed to get down to the teens.  In two days I take 40 students to the beach for a week.  Well, I am as ready as I can be - the trip appears ready to roll.  It will be interesting to not be totally in charge with 3 schools going.  I love this trip, but it do take a toll.  Like this spring snow, I am excited to rage against the cold and plunge into a wave and let it carry me to shore.  Like the grass beneath the snow, I am not dead yet:)  Here's a few thoughts penned down this odd morning:

Snowflakes float down like memory
upon this spring on top o' me
drifting swirling upon green grass
frost streams streak across the glass
all but trees declared our May
the false warmth of our yesterday
faintly radiates through your ice cold mask
its here our souls are put to task
I purse my lips exhale my breath
spring snow is just a little death

Thursday, March 26, 2015

The hardest part is through

Well, the joists were so easy.... After all that digging and preparing, the floor is going to be such a gentle breeze.  Yesterday was probably the most fun day since putting the trusses up.  I truly enjoy this process. In other news, we leave for the coast trip in a a few days.  Its year 10.  Wow. Time flies.  

Good stuff to remember when I read back years from now....Tonight, Ash is at class and the kids and I jumped and just hung out in the trampoline for awhile - then we came back in and watched "Gnomeo & Juliet" all in one bed.  It was like the world was at peace except for the fact that I overestimated our dinner and Adia and I crashed low.  When it was over, Zoe and I washed dishes to music (hence the Lumineer lyric title) while the young ones got ready for bed.  They hopped in, turned off the light and all I had to do was kiss them.  

 Good. Night.

Monday, March 23, 2015

The walls are closin' in

A quick irony.  This weekend I (with the help of Jon) finally closed in the barn.  It was such a feeling of accomplishment.  The digging is done... finally... and the floor band is in place - I just need to lay down plastic and put in the floor joists and start throwing subfloor down.  But it occurred to me that I was so proud of building walls... sure this represents a sort of protection for my family - structurally, emotionally, and financially... but its still walls.  I consciously build walls.  I used to unconsciously build walls.  The walls I build now separate me from nature... and on 0 degree days, I will be quite grateful for the separation... but the walls I used to build separated me from human nature.  Hopefully my move from metaphysical to physical wall building is some sort of step.  I guess my greatest hope is that by the end of my days on this planet, I will graduate from building walls to building bridges.

I was going to leave with a quick lyric, but heck, this whole Indigo Girls song fits just right. Billy would agree.

"Hammer And A Nail"

Clearing webs from the hovel
a blistered hand on the handle of a shovel
I've been digging too deep, I always do.
I see my face on the surface
I look a lot like narcissus
A dark abyss of an emptiness
Standing on the edge of a drowning blue.
I look behind my ears for the green
Even my sweat smells clean
Glare off the white hurts my eyes
Gotta get out of bed get a hammer and a nail
Learn how to use my hands, not just my head
I think myself into jail
Now I know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand in a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth if you want a rose.
I had a lot of good intentions
Sit around for fifty years and then collect a pension,
Started seeing the road to hell and just where it starts.
But my life is more than a vision
The sweetest part is acting after making a decision
I started seeing the whole as a sum of its parts.
My life is part of the global life
I'd found myself becoming more immobile
When I'd think a little girl in the world can't do anything.
A distant nation my community
A street person my responsibility
If I have a care in the world I have a gift to bring.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015


After a great field trip to ESTU's anatomy lab - I came home and decided to run again.  Adia hopped on her bike and we went on the 3 mile run.  It felt good to sweat again.  I have a whole winter... and fall... and perhaps last summer... and the winter before.... of toxin to work out.  My shoulder is a mess but I think I will try to get back into a mild form of shape again.  Adia found 3 deer skeletons on the way... we stopped to do some forensics.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Storm Shelter

I try so hard to touch you
but my fingers won't reach out
the cold that winds around me
contributes to your doubt
my footsteps fade into the snow
I'm hanging from your limb
and you whisper that you don't really know
what or who I am

The dusty hay lays on my lungs
my fingers grasp your mane
no bit no bridle no control
we walk out in the rain
uncertainty begins to grow
your passion turns to whim
you whisper you don't really know
just what or who I am

So forgive the stranded sailor
as he tries to quench his thirst
thinks that he is all alone
but really he's just first
I grasp your oar I pull to row
I dream of a sail to trim
and you whisper you don't really know
what or who I am

now I walk upon these gilded streets
but I'm dying in my shoes
heels inside the gutter
as I read the daily news
Dull eyes are all I have to show 
to that wall in Bethelehem
and you whisper that you'll never know
what or who I am

Its so odd to be a victim
to have this choice to choose
to be taught that upon our lives
there is no win or lose
So with bare feet upon ground below
I refuse to be condemned
but I still whisper that I'll never know
just what or who I am.