Monday, May 23, 2016


I am finally done. Grant done. Greenhouse done. Time to take a breath.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Hello goodbye, I'll see you later

2 days. 2 days and I am done. I have been running... ragged, mostly. I have not had time to face my life in years. In 2 days, we turn in our freaking $10 million grant and I will have our greenhouse... and therefore, our house, done. I am going to relax, I am going to fish, I am going to ride my bike, I am going to love, I am going to heal, I am going to say goodbye to my past and open a new chapter in my life. I will open this school, I will change jobs yet again, and I will find my balance and my pace. I have tried so hard these last years - but its been isometric. Its time to walk around the wall I have been pushing on and move forward again. I cannot fix my past, but I can come to terms with it and leave it the hell behind. Perhaps I will even leave this blog, my diary of sorts, behind for awhile. Maybe not. However, for now, its goodbye.

Friday, May 6, 2016

The school

I think it really is going to happen.

We've gotten a town to believe it.  We've gotten a superintendent to believe it.  We got a US senator on our side.  We have to convince a few principals next week and then that might actually be our last major hurdle.  The universe keeps smiling at us and pieces keep falling right into place.  We've kept quiet about it and will for a bit longer, but I am dying to tell you (the world) about it.

We turn in the final section of our grant in a few weeks.  Its been 7 months full on.  The core group are all my dear friends.  Some dear friends have dropped out, but the ones still in are still all the way in.  Its been quite beautiful and win or lose, it will have been the best thing I have ever done in education.  If it doesn't succeed, I am ok to fade away and find balance in my life and leave the stress of what I do behind.

The MRI showed that my shoulder has a full thickness tear in the rotator cuff.  I can't sleep well (nothing new - but now its physical pain) and I really don't know if I will have the time or money to get it fixed anytime soon.  Its kind of depressing, but perhaps its an appropriate cross to bear.  I can still swing a hammer, I just can't put on a shirt.

The kids are doing great.  Zoe's big play is tomorrow at the Ashe Co civic center.  Its damn near killed us, but I am proud of her for doing it.  Adia's birthday is Tuesday and she is going nuts about it.  Esme is still my fighter.  It brings tears to my eyes to recognize how fast they are growing up.

This spring seems to be my first one in years.  I am still buried, but like the seed... I sense the warming of the Earth and I realize I did not die.

Update:  Zoe's play was fantastic!! The bamboo forest.  I am so proud of her.  I drove her to Ashe County in the morning on the back on the motorcycle and dropped her off.  That evening we came back and were blown away by her.  She stood up on stage all alone and did a wonderful soliloquy.  I am so freaking proud.