All things die
OK, well all things definitely change
and I hate change.
Change is like death.
What is known is gone but not forgotten
like death.
What is coming is not known
like life.
Here we are in the middle of it all
not dying
not living
hating change.

Friday night

She walks on the beach at night some nights
Hard sand
Dark cool
Tide flows in
Deafening roar
Turn around.
I am here just below the surface
So peaceful
So quiet.


Just writing to remember this. I don't usually wax poetic about riding a motorcycle - its always kind of been my way of getting around on good gas mileage. But I do love it and after moving 10 miles up a deserted gorgeous winding road, I love it more. This morning, the road was dry and it wasn't too cold, and that big ol' full moon was just right there. I left early because Es woke up early and I couldn't get back to sleep - so it was pitch dark and glorious. Blasted a great playlist and watched the moon weave back and forth in front of me through the trees. Singing at the top of my lungs, cold wind in my face, leaning around curves. Expansive. I love that feeling. I lose it too often.

Summer is back and I guess I am too

Bette Davis Eyes comes on the radio as I am driving my two daughters back from picking berries. Esme has black raspberry all over her face but its just wonderful. The sun, the air, the dad time with his two daughters (the other one is backpacking with mom)... it was one of those moments where one loses oneself and becomes air and sun and music. I love those moments... I feel fully alive in those moments. Its all probably biochemical, but that's ok. Life and consciousness is overrated, I think.

I know, PA....THETIC! (however, it was the grammy winning song and album of the year - 82 and ranks 15 on Billboard's top 100 - so, there) I can't help my crap taste in music and I simply claim it. I can't do much but be the person I am. Sure, its embarrassing.. but what isn't in this world?  Duran Duran Hungry Like the Wolf came on after and I almost cried :)

So my oldest daughter is on the trail tonight with my wife. I dropped them off at Grayson Highlands and they are walk…


I am finally done. Grant done. Greenhouse done. Time to take a breath.

Hello goodbye, I'll see you later

2 days. 2 days and I am done. I have been running... ragged, mostly. I have not had time to face my life in years. In 2 days, we turn in our freaking $10 million grant and I will have our greenhouse... and therefore, our house, done. I am going to relax, I am going to fish, I am going to ride my bike, I am going to love, I am going to heal, I am going to say goodbye to my past and open a new chapter in my life. I will open this school, I will change jobs yet again, and I will find my balance and my pace. I have tried so hard these last years - but its been isometric. Its time to walk around the wall I have been pushing on and move forward again. I cannot fix my past, but I can come to terms with it and leave it the hell behind. Perhaps I will even leave this blog, my diary of sorts, behind for awhile. Maybe not. However, for now, its goodbye.

The school

I think it really is going to happen.

We've gotten a town to believe it.  We've gotten a superintendent to believe it.  We got a US senator on our side.  We have to convince a few principals next week and then that might actually be our last major hurdle.  The universe keeps smiling at us and pieces keep falling right into place.  We've kept quiet about it and will for a bit longer, but I am dying to tell you (the world) about it.

We turn in the final section of our grant in a few weeks.  Its been 7 months full on.  The core group are all my dear friends.  Some dear friends have dropped out, but the ones still in are still all the way in.  Its been quite beautiful and win or lose, it will have been the best thing I have ever done in education.  If it doesn't succeed, I am ok to fade away and find balance in my life and leave the stress of what I do behind.

The MRI showed that my shoulder has a full thickness tear in the rotator cuff.  I can't sleep well (nothing n…