Summer is back and I guess I am too

Bette Davis Eyes comes on the radio as I am driving my two daughters back from picking berries. Esme has black raspberry all over her face but its just wonderful. The sun, the air, the dad time with his two daughters (the other one is backpacking with mom)... it was one of those moments where one loses oneself and becomes air and sun and music. I love those moments... I feel fully alive in those moments. Its all probably biochemical, but that's ok. Life and consciousness is overrated, I think.

I know, PA....THETIC! (however, it was the grammy winning song and album of the year - 82 and ranks 15 on Billboard's top 100 - so, there) I can't help my crap taste in music and I simply claim it. I can't do much but be the person I am. Sure, its embarrassing.. but what isn't in this world?  Duran Duran Hungry Like the Wolf came on after and I almost cried :)

So my oldest daughter is on the trail tonight with my wife. I dropped them off at Grayson Highlands and they are walking the 20+ miles back to the house. Its quiet here. I think of the lives of my kids all the time and I always wonder if the odd way we live is going to be something they see later as a gift. I do hope so, but I guess how they see their childhood is perhaps not something I can control that much... or worry about much.


Jason and I took the younger kids on a 3 day backpack and they had an absolute blast. Esme took all the photos and I took video and stitched it together. They did awesome and yet another chapter opened in our lives.

Final thought as I go to bed and wish my daughter and wife a great trip - out there somewhere, wonderfully out of touch in this age of constant connection: When we got home from picking berries, E and A and I quick did the chores and then took our bikes across the tree to Creek Junction and found where the sun still hit a bit of water and we went for a swim. When we got back, we fixed up some cheese quesadillas and for dessert, we took a big handful of berries and spread them on our dinner plates and buried them in spray can whipped cream and sat on the couch to watch a movie (with a pause to milk the cow:)

My life is shockingly perfect, but I carry a nostalgia all the time. Like today was great, but now its a memory. I love it and now its gone. Even worse (or better), I am pretty sure that my brain erases yesterdays more completely than most - so perhaps I know that when I fall asleep, its really goodbye to yesterday. The memories fade but the emotion remains.

Maybe.


I know you are out there
somewhere in the dark

I suppose that my dreams of you
are often off the mark

I imagine your existence
in some other universe

And I feel the impossible distance
as a heavy leaden curse





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